The Chuck

[Stuey]

Theere is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris
allows to live.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and
instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

There is no "I" in team. There is an "I" in Chuck Norris. ***oops*** you,
team.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use
to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

Chuck Norris has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He
found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being
able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and
screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then
proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE
CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child. The child began to cry and
Chuck ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as
Christmas.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his
Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his
"Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of
tennis.

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There
were no survivors!

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck
Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third
girl he had slept with.

When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The
water gets Norris’d instead.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

If you were to lock Chuck Norris in a room with a guitar, a year later you
would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When
asked why he doesn't do this Chuck replied "Because Grammy's are for
queers." then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every
last unicorn in existence.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing
the Earth down.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it
notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in
the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris's hair is too afraid of him to grow.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the
direction of Chuck Norris.

You are what you eat. That is why Chuck Norris's diet consists entirely of
bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.