Phil Leytio-Hornblower Posted February 20, 2003 Posted February 20, 2003 Dear Mister Burns, I think you are the one who has a problem luvvy. This forum is about as popular as rabies in a guide dogs home. Are the members of this site really so problem free? Talk of problems,I don'tknow where to start.My life is such a mess at the moment. To start with my mother isn't very well. It is the same old problem back again bless her. It's having four children so her doctor has said. Of course we were all a good weight, "that's the problem" her doctor said. In later life it can bring on a bit of 'dropsy'. The problem really is the smell, like rotting cabbages. Then I hear her struggling in the loo, putting the rings in. It's enough to make you want to heave. I don't like anything like that, especially when she drops one, I can't bear it. She is going to have to go in and have it done,I think they just stitch it back up or something. And my stars today were a disaster, I didn't think I should even set foot out of the door. The rehearsals for this new show, well, all I can say is that we just can't get the staff. I mean you would expect dancers to have had at least some training in the art. This lot were more like Morris Dancers. It's no good, I can't work with amateurs. When you have high standards yourself, why should you accept such rubbish. But this is what theatre is coming to. All of them were foreign, it was like the United Nations. Hardly anyone could speak English and there I am trying to point out the finer points of Le Corsaire, and I tell you there were a few coarse hairs among that lot, rough trade, you know. Still I am having dinner with my friend Yuri Vladimirov who I danced with a few years ago in the great Bolshoi spectacle "Ivan the Terrible". Well,I was more of an understudy really.Lovely man and looks so good prancing around,like Nureyev, except he doesn't look like he has a telephone directory in his tights.No wonder Rudy died of Aids, he was always so busy. Yet I always thought that he and Margot had a thing going. You just can't tell sometimes. Anyway, I digress. Oh fiddle, now I can't remember what my question was. Sorry. Quote
MisterB Posted February 20, 2003 Posted February 20, 2003 This forum is about as popular as rabies in a guide dogs home. Are the members of this site really so problem free?Am I concerned, Mr Hornblower? No sir, not at all. It is well know how reticent the British can be when encouraged to expose themselves to others; to open those supporating sores and tumors to a third party; to exculpate their tortuous psychological demons; to empart trust in the confessional or to free themselves from the living nightmares of their own making. This forum was set up (not by me, by the way) to offer impartial and inequivocally useless assistance to those less able to help themselves and, Horatio (may I call you that? - you may call me Mr Burns), I can see what torments you suffer in your daily life. You are as a martyr to your mother and the dance in equal proportions by the sound of it and, if you would only open up a little, am sure I could impart much wisdom. However, and as a prerequisite, you would first have to accede to your dubious gender status and embrace Morris Dancing - an honorable body of men and ale. Only then, will you and you friend Yuri, be able to attain true harmony in the dance. PS Don'y forget to wash your tights occasionally. Quote
Phil Leytio-Hornblower Posted February 20, 2003 Author Posted February 20, 2003 Yes Mr Burns, you can call me Horatio. Funnily enough that is the name of some fictious sailor I believe. By the way, the name I use on this website, it isn't my real name. Quote
MisterB Posted February 20, 2003 Posted February 20, 2003 By the way, the name I use on this website, it isn't my real name. Blaggard! Falsehood is your name, Sir. Remove yourself immediately from this Forum. I will have no dopplegangers in my midst. There will be no further correspondence on this matter. Quote
space rider Posted February 20, 2003 Posted February 20, 2003 You lot make me laugh. Never thought when I first started trawling the car sales showrooms and internet that I would meet such a bunch of "nutters". I am so glad I went for the picasso and not the vauxhall zafira!!! :unsure: Quote
johnmoran Posted February 20, 2003 Posted February 20, 2003 Now - that would have been "insane"! John :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: Quote
space rider Posted February 20, 2003 Posted February 20, 2003 Only thing the zafira had going for it is the 7 seats as I have 4 children. But it looked so bland compared with the picasso and I would end up paying a fortune for extras. Also the fact that you couldn`t turn off the front passenger airbag really put me off. I could have had it deleted permanantly but if I had an accident and someone got seriously injured I would never forgive myself. Quote
johnmoran Posted February 20, 2003 Posted February 20, 2003 Just noticed your notes under your name "Hope to be 2.0hdi exclusive picasso owner 23 04 03 & FEMALE" Obviously you're posting in the right section of the forum, "Mr. B's Problem Page" - Two happy events on the same day - a new Pic and a Sex-Change! Maybe Phil might be interested! John :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: Quote
Phil Leytio-Hornblower Posted February 20, 2003 Author Posted February 20, 2003 Oooh no Ducky, I would never go through that cut and tuck business. I can hardly bear to have my $*&£! licked, let alone have a scalpel taken to them. I like dressing up and I bought these fantastic sling back shoes yesterday. It really cheered me up.....spending money!! This forum is getting so camp, its like a latter day "Round The Horne". I mean really, vader the eek on that Mister B, who does she think she is. And a chauffeur too, but no maid or chef. All for show. Met his type before. Ferrari in the garage and lives on sausages. And then he says "I should open up" in his reply. What does he mean? You see it is all about trust. I can't lay myself open because I don't want to be hurt again, I am going through one of my vulnerable phases. Getting to know your inner self and being and all that camp. And anyway the Picasso is such a camp car methinks. Mine is in that lovely lilac colour. I wanted lavender, but no can do. After all, I've always said there's a bit of lavender in all of us......some more than others! Isn't that right Mr Humphries? Quote
johnmoran Posted February 20, 2003 Posted February 20, 2003 Oh my God! What have I done? Mine's misty lilac too (the Pic - that is!). John :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: Quote
space rider Posted February 20, 2003 Posted February 20, 2003 I was born a female and a female I shall remain. Are there any other female picasso owners on this site. Or am I here all alone with all you males :unsure: Quote
space rider Posted February 20, 2003 Posted February 20, 2003 Oh and I chose meditarranean blue which I think is quite a feminine colour. Quote
johnmoran Posted February 20, 2003 Posted February 20, 2003 I'm not sure if we have any other female members - But one of the more "senior" members will no doubt let us know! It appears though that there may well be a few "don't knows". John :D :D :D :D :D Quote
MisterB Posted February 21, 2003 Posted February 21, 2003 Now look here, you bunch of lag-legged dizzards and hoddy-doddys. I think before we all get too bogged down in sexual stereotyping and gender manipulation, we should start by separating out the genders. Right then, on the left - all the men. On the right - all the women. In the middle - Hornblower and his tights. Three more things to clear up before the botox technician arrives: 1. I should be delighted to know how many female members we have on the site. You never know when you might require a dazzling beauty on your arm for the odd Presidential function, you know, and these 'agencies' don't come cheap I understand. 2. 'Camp', to me, is somehwere you pitch your tent. (Oh well, I suppose that 's the same for Hornblower then...) 3. 'Bona, bona' to all the Kennth Horne fans! Quote
space rider Posted February 21, 2003 Posted February 21, 2003 I am watching this with interest and I think I am safe to assume I am the only female. Can any other female please stand up and be counted. :unsure: Quote
MisterB Posted February 21, 2003 Posted February 21, 2003 ... I think I am safe to assume I am the only female. My dear Mrs Rider I think you will find you are not alone! Other persons of the female pursuasion are certainly known to be afoot in the forum... Quote
MisterB Posted February 21, 2003 Posted February 21, 2003 Well that is a relief!!! :D If it's relief you're after, the powder room is down the corridor, second door on the left past the statue of Hornblower holding something unsavory in his hand. Even though you're not a chap - I like the cut of you jib! Quote
johnmoran Posted February 21, 2003 Posted February 21, 2003 MisterB I'm glad there's somebody on the forum who's as ancient as me and remembers Kenneth Horne with fondness! Those were the days - The Navy Lark - The Clitheroe Kid - Round the Horne - etc, etc - "Where's me shirt? I can't find me shirt anywhere!" as Jimmy Clitheroe's sister's boyfriend (I think) said! - was his name "Alfie"? I wonder how "Julian & Sandy" are getting on - perhaps Phil will know! John :D :D :D :D :D :D :D Quote
Glaswedgen Posted February 22, 2003 Posted February 22, 2003 Who is Kenneth Horn? Are you sure it is not Kenneth Ross after all he remembers the 60's :D The Glaswegain Quote
Kenneth S Ross Posted February 22, 2003 Posted February 22, 2003 After 43 years of figuring out who Kenneth Ross is, I can safely say that I am he, and not in any way, shape or form, Kenneth Horne, or any other Kenneth for that matter. Since I was only 8 months old when the 60's commenced, my memories of the early part of the decade are hazy. I remember JFK's death, but didn't know the significance. I remember Churchill's funeral (in black and white), but my clearest memory was the 'one small step - one giant leap' taken in 1969. When I hear mention of the 60's I think of the scene in 'Field of Dreams' where a PTA meeting has broken down ito a cat-fight over censorship and 'Catcher in the Rye'. As one character speaks passionately of the spirit of the 60's, another retorts "Don't lecture me about the 60's. I lived through the 60's too!". "No you didn't", comes back the reply, "you did the 50's twice, and jumped straight to the 70's" Maybe it's a visual thing - If you don't get it, watch the movie. Quote
johnmoran Posted February 22, 2003 Posted February 22, 2003 MisterB Do you remember "Arthur Haynes" on Black & White TV - I used to think he was hilarious! - Nicholas Parsons was his "straight man" - I don't know if I'd still find him so funny all these years later - I don't remember ever seeing any repeats of his shows or even any sketches since - I expect they've gone the way of a lot of great old TV shows! Just thought of "One Step Beyond" - very scarry stuff! John :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: Quote
Gteuk Posted February 22, 2003 Posted February 22, 2003 Space Rider There are a few other females registered on the forums, although I cannot Divulge who they are you will be happy to know that on the old forum there were near 300 females and I think some of the opinions posted are from joint memberships. Yes some couples can share the same interests and the Picasso seems to be one that inspires couples to be in confined spaces together as well as the same website.. Quote
MisterB Posted February 23, 2003 Posted February 23, 2003 MisterB I'm glad there's somebody on the forum who's as ancient as me and remembers Kenneth Horne with fondness! Those were the days - The Navy Lark - The Clitheroe Kid - Round the Horne - etc, etc - "Where's me shirt? I can't find me shirt anywhere!" as Jimmy Clitheroe's sister's boyfriend (I think) said! - was his name "Alfie"? I wonder how "Julian & Sandy" are getting on - perhaps Phil will know! John :D :D :D :D :D :D :D It's just come to me, John Alfie HALL! You know, I've not been able to remember his name for years until you brought it up. Quote
johnmoran Posted February 23, 2003 Posted February 23, 2003 MisterB I think you're right! Those Sunday mornings bring back fond memories - Lie in bed to about 9.30 - 10.00 - get up - Full English Breakfast - Radio - Full Sunday Roast Dinner complete with pudding & custard - afternoon TV (Black & White) - Golden Shot - Afternoon Tea (Sandwiches & Home-Made Cakes) - Evening, sorting out stamp collection - TV - Sunday Night at the London Palladium (strange but Brucie had less hair in those days - do you think he wears a wig???!!!). I had no chance really of ever being "Svelte-like"! By the look of your physique you could do with a good feed - doesn't Smithers give you a "nibble" now and then - I'm sure he'd enjoy it! John :D :D :D :D :D :D Quote
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